Friday, February 3, 2012

Please stop yelling at me!

Why do the self-checkout registers in stores have to scream at you? My god, Robotic Broomhilda, I'm just trying to buy some damn ice cream. I don't think my fellow customers need to know that my fat ass is determined to stay that way with my gallon of Cookies 'n' Cream. Nor do they need to know the price for said tub o'happiness ("Look, Marge, that Sushi Roll over there is paying $5.50 for that ice cream. Didn't she have a coupon?"). Seriously, can't we just keep this transaction between us?

Tonight Jason and I ran into Lowe's (the hardware store, not the grocery store - I didn't need an ice cream fix tonight... I actually still have some in my freezer, thank you very much) to get a piece for our hot water tank. As Jason was handling the purchasing of the item at the self-checkout, I was trying to cover Satanic Sally's boisterous "mouth." At the top of the machine I saw what looked like speaker holes, so I placed my hands over said holes to see if it would at least muffle the sound. Yeah, not so much. I swear, there are hidden surround sound speakers all over that machine. I think the machine even got louder, as if saying "Ha! Trying to shut me up? I don't think so, missy."

So, note to self - don't trust a self-checkout machine with you secrets. She won't keep them.

10 comments:

  1. Hahaha...I can just picture you trying to cover the "mouth" of the speaker on the self checkout machine. That is hilarious!!! Wish I could have seen it.

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  2. Hahaha! Even Jason just shook his head at me after hearing my response to his "what the hell are you doing?" question. Hmmm, you do pose a good idea... Pictures do need to be taken of me doing my weird and crazy things. Thanks for that idea. :)

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  3. I don't think we need any more physical evidence that you're a little off your rocker boo. Between this blog, pictures we already have, and my testimony. I could get you put in a loony bin no problem.

    Alison - she did look like some one special cover the speaker and talking back to the machine for being so loud. But i will say she found the volume button and turned that devil box down some.

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    1. Well...good job on finding the volume button. I didn't even know they had volume buttons. I will be on the look out for anyone in Greensboro talking to these machines...Missy might not be the only one out there that does these...interesting...things!!! Haha.

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    2. I would bet she is not alone in that!! If you see someone acting odd around one. Start recording them for YouTube.

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  4. Satanic Sally!! lol! You're right, they are SO loud. Especially when you have something lightweight that you're putting in the bag, which it doesn't feel, so it yells out "Please place the item in the bag" 15 times like you're stealing it.

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    1. Hahaha! Melissa - I'm actually surprised that The Voice doesn't scream out "Help! There's a lady over here trying to steal tampons that cost $3.98!" when the machine doesn't register the light weight item.

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  5. I think they should have different words for "discreet items"! Like if you were buying tampons or condoms, "screaming sally" should change it to teddy bear and pickles- v

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    1. I just wish Sally would shut up all together. :)

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