Hello, my name is Missy and I'm addicted to.... Jeopardy. Yes, the game show. Yes, I know I'm a big nerd. Jason and I DVR it and it's our favorite show to watch while we eat dinner. Yes, I realize that sentence just made me an even bigger nerd (if this helps - I think Alex Trebek is a schmuck, but that's beside the point).
When Jason and I watch this show, you'd sometimes think that I was watching a sporting event versus a trivia game show. I yell at the contestants when they should know the answers to simple things (for the love of goats, you morons, how the hell did you make it to adulthood without knowing that Tashkent is the capital of Uzbekistan????) (side note: I may or may not have just Googled that info). During the portion of the show where Alex Trebek talks to the contestants and has said contestants regale us with some little tid-bit about themselves, I scream at them if they get too chatty (it's a timed show, assholes!!). Ooooh, [insert deity of choice here] help you if the round ends and there are still clues on the board because the dip shits on the show couldn't handle all the categories. Seriously, that gives me a freaking anxiety attack. Jason has learned to bury himself into the couch cushions out of fear that I will turn this anger on him and begin beating him out of pure frustration.
I actually took the online test in January to be a contestant. I had learned that the test was going to be held right around my birthday. So, I thought what an awesome present that would be to myself. Even if I don't make it onto the show, at least I can say I tried. Talk about a stressful event! I had to answer 50 questions, but I only had 15 seconds on each question - that's 15 seconds to read the question, process it, and type my answer. My mind basically just blanked on all info ("This is the country directly to the south of America..." "Uhhh, what is... ummm... France?). I was cheating like crazy too, calling out questions to Jason. Who finally called back "ya know, you shouldn't be cheating." After the test I asked him when he had turned into Mr. Moral and he said that he hadn't... he was just trying to watch TV and I was interrupting. Of course, he quickly realized he should've allowed me to continue annoying him when I informed him that one of the questions was something along the lines of "this word comes before the word shrimp blah, blah, blah, Utah, blah, blah blah" I don't remember the whole question. I do remember my answer, though.
Yes, I am aware that that is actually 2 words.
When I told Jason that I had actually typed that as my answer to the question, he blinked at me a couple of times before he hung his head and shook it in shame. I explained to him that I was hoping that whoever scored my test would find the humor in my response and want me on the show for comedic purposes. I don't think my explanation made him feel any better about the situation at hand.
To this day, I'm still waiting with fingers crossed hoping I'll hear something about being on the show. Once your test is submitted your life is just in limbo. You never learn what you scored on the online test. After the test, your name goes into the Jeopardy database for 18 months. If the judges decide you're worthy, they'll contact you for round 2, which is a live audition. Then, if you pass that, I assume the next stop is actually being on the show.
For now, I'll just have to be content with playing along from the comfort of my couch. It's probably safer that way, anyway.