Monday, April 23, 2012


A few Saturdays ago, Jason got up too close to the crack of dawn for my taste and went to work out.

About 2 hours later, my cell phone rang. Jason was calling to inform me that there were folks walking through our neighborhood, going door-to-door, and there was a pair of ladies heading up our driveway as we spoke. Ugh! I asked where he was and he said he had driven past our house and was going to "hide" in another neighborhood until I called to tell him the coast was all clear. 

We absolutely hate with every inch of our black souls these people who go door-to-door, especially the ones who want to save our aforementioned souls. No, we haven't found Jesus because we weren't informed that there was a game of hide-and-go-seek in progress. If we see people walking through the neighborhood, we seriously do turn off the lights and TV and hole up in another room until the threat of human interaction has passed. 

Anyhoo, on this particular Saturday, I'm cowering under the covers on my bed, waiting for the scary women to go away. I hear them knock on my front door (I guess they had something against my doorbell). My 2 dogs went rushing to the front door to greet the guests. I was still under the covers, holding my breath for fear that the women would hear me breathing and know I was home.

Here's a picture of my house (ain't it cute?):
This picture was taken a few years ago. We had just had some landscaping
done. Those bushes you see are now huge beasts.
I was too lazy to take a more current picture.
The night before the weather was a nice cool temperature, so Jason and I had slept with our window cracked. As you can see from the picture, our bedroom is right next to our porch. And, as you can also see from the picture, there's a panel of windows running beside my front door. These women got a gooood look at my Malamonsters (if you haven't gotten a good at them yourself, go check them out here).

Both ladies oohed and aahed over them. But then I heard the ultimate sin.

Lady A said to Lady B, "Oh, those are Huskies." Whaaa??? Oh, hell nah. You just need to traipse your ass right back down my porch steps. Go save your own charred soul before you try to save mine.

I almost came out of hiding over this, just so I could correct them. I don't know about other Malamute owners, but Jason and I go ballistic over hearing someone call our boys Huskies. Seriously people, there are huge differences between the two breeds. HUGE.

Thankfully those ladies finally moved on... I'm assuming they felt the heathen vibes pulsing around the house and realized there was no hope for the sinners within those walls. All I know is that I felt victorious once more in the Battle of Avoiding Solicitations.


  1. Well, I guess I won't be stopping by your place when we come down. We'll see if we can stop in Pennsylvania to save Youngman's soul. I know he has a lot of it. I used to let our Great Dane out on her lead, whenever they were around.

    1. My soul is still getting a feel for things.

    2. No!! Chris - I want you to stop by. You might actually be able to save my soul... or, more likely, corrupt it more.

      And, Youngman, yours and mine both.

  2. Hm... There is no +1 button. Now I hafta talk... Err... I +1 you're post. Morally because I agree whole heartedly. My best friend is an (object corrected) door knocker. Then he found out they don't have Christmas, that was a franticly fast correction :)

    1. Thanks for the +1... the button should've been at the top of the page. I'll check it out later to see what's up. But some people don't have Christmas? Noooo! What's that about?

      Thanks for reading my post!

  3. The sad part is that after I drove past the house and called to warn her and waited in the neighborhood behind ours for about 5 minutes, I then tried to go home and saw more of them and left the neighborhood altogether. Some minutes later I came back and parked and ran into the backyard vs using the garage door figuring they would hear that loud as thing and come running to the newly arrived victim. I grew up people like this and couldn't stand it then and still hate now.

  4. My dog's a big lovable dufus. But whenever religious missionaries knock on my door, I open it a crack and pretend to hold my dog back while saying "Sorry, he's really protective of the house around strangers". Works every time.

    1. Ooo! That's what I should do the next time folks stop by. My dogs sound like your dog - they are big and they love people. They look like they are trying to attack you, but if you stop and look, they are grinning and you can practically hear them saying "I love! Are you here to play with me? Be my best friend, please!" But, most people are intimidated by their size and just see dogs trying to attack them.