GO AWAY

A few Saturdays ago, Jason got up too close to the crack of dawn for my taste and went to work out.

About 2 hours later, my cell phone rang. Jason was calling to inform me that there were folks walking through our neighborhood, going door-to-door, and there was a pair of ladies heading up our driveway as we spoke. Ugh! I asked where he was and he said he had driven past our house and was going to "hide" in another neighborhood until I called to tell him the coast was all clear. 

We absolutely hate with every inch of our black souls these people who go door-to-door, especially the ones who want to save our aforementioned souls. No, we haven't found Jesus because we weren't informed that there was a game of hide-and-go-seek in progress. If we see people walking through the neighborhood, we seriously do turn off the lights and TV and hole up in another room until the threat of human interaction has passed. 

Anyhoo, on this particular Saturday, I'm cowering under the covers on my bed, waiting for the scary women to go away. I hear them knock on my front door (I guess they had something against my doorbell). My 2 dogs went rushing to the front door to greet the guests. I was still under the covers, holding my breath for fear that the women would hear me breathing and know I was home.

Here's a picture of my house (ain't it cute?):

This picture was taken a few years ago. We had just had some landscaping
done. Those bushes you see are now huge beasts.
I was too lazy to take a more current picture. 

The night before the weather was a nice cool temperature, so Jason and I had slept with our window cracked. As you can see from the picture, our bedroom is right next to our porch. And, as you can also see from the picture, there's a panel of windows running beside my front door. These women got a gooood look at my Malamonsters (if you haven't gotten a good at them yourself, go check them out here).

Both ladies oohed and aahed over them. But then I heard the ultimate sin.

Lady A said to Lady B, "Oh, those are Huskies." Whaaa??? Oh, hell nah. You just need to traipse your ass right back down my porch steps. Go save your own charred soul before you try to save mine.

I almost came out of hiding over this, just so I could correct them. I don't know about other Malamute owners, but Jason and I go ballistic over hearing someone call our boys Huskies. Seriously people, there are huge differences between the two breeds. HUGE.

Thankfully those ladies finally moved on... I'm assuming they felt the heathen vibes pulsing around the house and realized there was no hope for the sinners within those walls. All I know is that I felt victorious once more in the Battle of Avoiding Solicitations.

Tricky Dog Treats.

Jason and I love to eat. We just love food. And none of that healthy crap. We want the stuff that'll clog our arteries and make us feel nauseous after we eat it. Ya know, the good food.

Our love for this kind of nourishment has us on the brink of eating dog treats. At this moment, I'm crossing my fingers, hoping for some willpower (which I've never had before when it comes to food). Let me explain.

Jason and I continually try to diet. Notice that key word "try." Also refer back to paragraph one about healthy stuff.. One way we're trying to help ourselves is by not bringing snacks into the house. One of my super powers is devouring a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos in the blink of an eye.

But, being good pet parents we like to buy treats for our furry babies. Recently we bought this big ass canister of cheese flavored pup corn. For those of you not in the know, that would be popcorn for dogs (popcorn - another thing that I can't live without).

Please excuse the fuzziness. I am THE one Asian who
can't use a camera.

We have this canister just sitting on a half wall we have in our kitchen. Out in the open. Where we see it everyday. At a glance, the treats do resemble popcorn or some other delicious cheesy (human) snack. Jason says he keeps seeing cheese balls.

C'mon. You know you want some.

But, look closer...

I'm trying to decide how disgusted I'd be with myself for delving into the dogs' treats. I'm pretty sure I'd be disgusted with myself... I mean, the label does say "healthy" and you know how I feel about that word.

This Area is Being Refurbished for Your Future Enjoyment.

This isn't really a post, just a heads up...

Since I'm a fickle female, I've decided that I want to change the look of my blog. Since I still consider myself new to this game, I feel that I haven't fully found my style. Well, as far as the design goes. The style of my pieces is whatever the heck I feel like writing about.

Sooo, please excuse the dust as I remodel.

My nerdy side

Hello, my name is Missy and I'm addicted to.... Jeopardy. Yes, the game show. Yes, I know I'm a big nerd. Jason and I DVR it and it's our favorite show to watch while we eat dinner. Yes, I realize that sentence just made me an even bigger nerd (if this helps - I think Alex Trebek is a schmuck, but that's beside the point).

When Jason and I watch this show, you'd sometimes think that I was watching a sporting event versus a trivia game show. I yell at the contestants when they should know the answers to simple things (for the love of goats, you morons, how the hell did you make it to adulthood without knowing that Tashkent is the capital of Uzbekistan????) (side note: I may or may not have just Googled that info). During the portion of the show where Alex Trebek talks to the contestants and has said contestants regale us with some little tid-bit about themselves, I scream at them if they get too chatty (it's a timed show, assholes!!). Ooooh, [insert deity of choice here] help you if the round ends and there are still clues on the board because the dip shits on the show couldn't handle all the categories. Seriously, that gives me a freaking anxiety attack. Jason has learned to bury himself into the couch cushions out of fear that I will turn this anger on him and begin beating him out of pure frustration.

I actually took the online test in January to be a contestant. I had learned that the test was going to be held right around my birthday. So, I thought what an awesome present that would be to myself. Even if I don't make it onto the show, at least I can say I tried. Talk about a stressful event! I had to answer 50 questions, but I only had 15 seconds on each question - that's 15 seconds to read the question, process it, and type my answer. My mind basically just blanked on all info ("This is the country directly to the south of America..." "Uhhh, what is... ummm... France?). I was cheating like crazy too, calling out questions to Jason. Who finally called back "ya know, you shouldn't be cheating." After the test I asked him when he had turned into Mr. Moral and he said that he hadn't... he was just trying to watch TV and I was interrupting. Of course, he quickly realized he should've allowed me to continue annoying him when I informed him that one of the questions was something along the lines of "this word comes before the word shrimp blah, blah, blah, Utah, blah, blah blah" I don't remember the whole question. I do remember my answer, though.


Bubba Gump.

Yes, I am aware that that is actually 2 words.

When I told Jason that I had actually typed that as my answer to the question, he blinked at me a couple of times before he hung his head and shook it in shame. I explained to him that I was hoping that whoever scored my test would find the humor in my response and want me on the show for comedic purposes. I don't think my explanation made him feel any better about the situation at hand.

To this day, I'm still waiting with fingers crossed hoping I'll hear something about being on the show. Once your test is submitted your life is just in limbo. You never learn what you scored on the online test. After the test, your name goes into the Jeopardy database for 18 months. If the judges decide you're worthy, they'll contact you for round 2, which is a live audition. Then, if you pass that, I assume the next stop is actually being on the show.

For now, I'll just have to be content with playing along from the comfort of my couch. It's probably safer that way, anyway.

Since today is a "spooky" day...

I love spooky things. One of my favorite holidays is Halloween because of all the ghost stories that start circulating. So going along with Halloween, I do feel a weird little thrill when Friday the 13th pops up. Not that I'm superstitious or anything. Anyhoo - since today is a "spooky day" I decided to do a post with roots (no pun intended) relating back to Halloween.

The week before Halloween, Melissa (also a lover of Halloween and all things spooky) placed a tiny pumpkin on my desk. She had drawn a jack-o-lantern face on said pumpkin with a magic marker.

Halloween came and went and I just couldn't bear to throw the pumpkin away. So, I decided to just leave it on my desk and see how long it took it to completely disintegrate... or whatever the hell it was going to do (implode, maybe?).

Fast forward to today. He's still going strong. Well, strong-ish.

Pumpkin Head says "I'm awesome."

this is the pumpkin's back

Pumpkin Head's better side

I'm just still not ready to let it go... Who knows, maybe Pumpkin Head will be around for this year's Halloween.

Well, that's just handy...

Yesterday Jason and I went grocery shopping. While meandering through the produce section, Jason nudges me and points out a new technologically advanced gadget - a Muslim Bluetooth headset.

A Muslim lady was squeezing the kumquats while causally chatting on her cellphone... which was held against her head by her head scarf. Huh. That's inventive. For all I know, maybe she wasn't really Muslim and she was only wearing the scarf to hold her phone in place. Because, how else do you have a hands free phone conversation?

I tried so hard to get a picture of this lady. But, alas, every time I put my phone up to get a picture, the woman would turn toward me. I didn't want to be caught in the act, so I lost the photo opportunity.

Just one more thing in the world to make me scratch my head.

What do I do??

Sound the alarms, kiss your loved ones good-bye, do whatever you need to do because the world is coming to an end. I have left my book at home.

You may be asking yourself, "Huh? What's the big deal?" Trust me, this is a big deal. I never - NEVER - leave home without a book. Never. I don't think you understand. I. Never. Leave. My. House. Without. A. Book.

Jason makes fun of me because we'll leave the house just to get take-out and come straight home and I make sure to grab my book du jour before we leave, just in case. It doesn't matter where I'm going or how long I'll be gone, I have to take at least one book with me (yes, I have been known to take two books when I leave the house for a short period of time just because I'm close to the end of the first book and want to be prepared).

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I am a big ol'nerd. I love, love, love to read. I actually get grumpy if I go too long without reading. Every night I stay up way too late saying " just one more chapter" over and over to myself. One level of my personal hell would be if I became blind.

At work, I usually take my lunch break with Melissa. Today she had other plans. Being left to my own devices I thought I'd get an hour of reading time in... That is until I reached into my purse and realized my book was missing.

So, now I'm sitting here at work, shaking like a druggie going through detox. Just counting down the minutes until I can get my next fix.

It's not summer yet!

Ahhh, spring is here. Gorgeous days made up of blue skies, birds singing, buds blooming... and my Alaskan Malamutes have already started blowing their coats.

Look at those faces!

So what does "blowing their coats" mean? It's when a dog sheds their undercoat. But shedding is such a calm way to explain this process...The fur just explodes off of them. They shed year round, but from fall to spring we can handle it. It's the summer months when Jason and I start contemplating "old yellering" our dogs. Except this year, the blowing of the coats is happening much earlier than normal.

This past winter was a really warm one for North Carolina. I live in the Piedmont, just west of the middle of the state. Our area doesn't normally get much snow, usually maybe 2-3 good ones in the winter. And "a good snow" in this area is usually about 6 inches. But, this past winter we only had one snow that didn't amount to much of anything. Thanks to the warmer winter, and now a warmer than normal spring, our dogs' inner temperature gauge seems to think it's already summer. Oh fucking joy. 

The best thing to do is take the dogs outside everyday and just brush the hell outta them. Just get as much fur as you can off of them while we're outside to try and minimize the fur tumbleweeds that congregate inside. After we got home from work today, Jason and I immediately headed outside to do just that. Here are a some shots of our nightmare:

Hey, at least the birds can use the fur for their nests.

 

Ryoku gets his belly brushed

Ryoku has decided he's had enough

Okami, just hanging out, waiting for his brushing

I would add in pictures of what our house looks like after a couple of days of not vacuuming during coat blowing season, but Jason vacuumed earlier, before I thought about getting pictures. But, no worries, I'll just take pictures in a couple of days. Because the fur will accumulate. Again. It always does. 

To borrow a line from my best friend, Melissa, "Immakillmyself." Sigh.