Here they come to save the... Just kidding.

While traipsing through Target over the weekend, Jason and I cut through an aisle in the toy section to get to our intended destination. While passing through, something caught my eye:

Step away from the cheeseburgers.

What. The. Hell? Seriously? These are toys for kids. If I were in grave danger and one of these super heroes came to my rescue, I'd know - without a shadow of doubt - that I was fucked. Does it look like Superman can leap a building in a single bound? No, I doubt he can even step over a crack in the floor. Wonder Woman's invisible plane ain't that sturdy. The latest battle royale between The Joker and Batman will be an eating contest. The Green Lantern is now used as a lighthouse. Batgirl... yeah, who really cares about her. 

Although, thanks to these figurines, I suddenly didn't feel so bad about myself.